Fleshy thanks to FEMA

A good friend told me today that I need a vacation, to get off the island, to give myself a break. He could not be more right. And this weekend we're doing just that. We're leaving town to spend five days with friends elsewhere for good food and fellowship as well as a one of those election parties that require one show his party affiliation at the door.

And in the spirit of my friend's admonishment about my morose postings, it's time for something a little lighter - actually heavier, as you'll learn. You see, on the island we now speak of the FEMA five, or if you're particularly vulnerable, the FEMA fifteen. It's a term spoken with a pat to the belly, and here's how it works:

Remember when you were a kid and from the back yard you heard it coming -- the ice cream truck! Well here we have the meal trucks. They travel through the neighborhoods with a loudspeaker announcing their arrival. They pull up to a corner and open the window on a rolling source of sustenance. From out of the houses and alleys emerge persons of all walks of life, ready for someone else to take responsibility for meal planning. And here lies the rub:

Nobody will balk at your request for two of the Styrofoam-packaged meals. Even three. I saw one guy tell a story about his hungry family, then getting six of these things, only to turn the corner, sit on the curb and begin his feast. Just tell them how many, and out the window they come, no questions asked. Some days it's a hamburger; others chicken strips. How about a barbecue sandwich? Or maybe chili mac. Sorry, no tofu, no stir fry. No half-portions or egg beaters. Nope, nothing that resembles Lean Cuisine.

And so it comes to pass after all these weeks that one steps on the scale to discover -- the FEMA five. That belt is out a notch; those buttons seem a little more stretched; did my pants really shrink that much in the dryer?

Getting out of town can do more that give one a respite from the trash on every curb and the never-ending clean-up. It's a great chance to wallow in salads dressed with Italian Light, meat that isn't fried, and vegetables other than pasta, potatoes and creamed corn. It will be nice to escape this funk. Maybe I can regain more of my sense of humor. Heck, I might also turn loose of my FEMA five in the process.